How to Handle Gossip, Slander and Discord: Part Two

How to Handle Gossip, Slander and Discord: Part Two
12/22/07



How to Deal With Discord (Matthew 18)



““If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed* in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”” (Matthew 18:15-20 ESV)



I.Know the Difference Between Sin and Preference

“If your brother sins against you”


A.The Sin Must be Identifiable from Scripture (not opinion)


Poor Example: The Joneses allow their girls to wear sleeveless dresses in the summer. I believe sleeveless dresses are sinful. Therefore, I must confront the Joneses the next time I see their daughters in a sleeveless dress.


Good Example: The Jones boys were fighting in the bathroom. I told them to stop and they said, “Get a life, old man!” I am going to talk to their father about their rebellion, strife, and disrespect for their elders.


B.The Sin Must be Against YOU (i.e., you must be a ‘witness’ to the sin)!


Poor Example: Sally is really broken up over the way Harry has been treating her. I’m going to confront Harry about his sin.


Good Example: I saw Harry raise his voice at Sally and move toward her in a threatening way. I have to say something to him about what I saw. Or, Harry’s language was inappropriate when he and I talked yesterday. I’m going to call him and talk to him about his choice of words.



II.Deal with Sin Brother to Brother


“go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone”


A.The Minute You Involve Another Party (in step one), you are in Sin (gossip/slander). This is very important and most people miss it. If your brother sins against you, you are not supposed to call another brother to talk with them about it. You must “go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.”


B.The Minute Another Party Involves You (in step one), They are In Sin (gossip/slander) and You Must Confront it as Such


Poor Example: I heard the Hatfields and McCoys are in the midst of a big feud. I’m just telling you this so you can be praying for them.

Good Example: Unless you’ve seen this feud firsthand, you have just engaged in gossip. You need to stop this conversation, repent of your sin, confront the person who told you, then go to the Hatfields and McCoys and confess to them that you’ve been gossiping about them. I’ll give you three days to get this done before I intervene.



III.Seek Restoration, not Vengeance


“If he listens to you, you have gained your brother”


A.The Goal is to Help Your Brother


B.Once Correction (true repentance) has Come, Leave it Alone. Don’t hold on to it so that you can use it again the next time your brother makes you mad... even if you have to forgive “seventy times seven.”



IV.Only Involve Others When Your Efforts Have Failed



“But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church”


A.This is the Only Time Others are Involved


Poor Example: Mr. Jenkins was beating his wife so I confronted him about it. “I’m just telling you so you can be praying for him.” Or, “I know you sensed that something was going on and I don’t want your imagination to run wild.” THIS IS SIN!


Good Example: I confronted Mr. Jenkins about his treatment of his wife and he told me it was none of my business. I have to confront the issue again and I need someone to go with me and call him to repentance.


C.These Must be Mature Believers (Gal. 6:1)


D. A true believer should respond to loving rebuke. Anyone who does not is to be treated like an unbeliever until they bear the fruit of genuine repentance. “And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” In the meantime, we must pray for their restoration and trust that the Lord will use the sting of lost fellowship to call them to himself.




A Final Word of Warning


1Peter 4:12 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; 13 but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation. 14 If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 15 Make sure that none of you suffers as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or a troublesome