I WAS 19 YEARS OLD, WALKING HOME ALONE

I woke up and cried tonight.
Cried as if my heart was breaking, sobbing.
It's been so long. I'd even forgotten for so long.
Still I cry?!

Southgate, CA.
Just past Watts of South Los Angeles fame.
That's where Becky, my roommate, and I lived, February of 1981.

I had just enrolled in Los Angeles City College that morning.

That afternoon I went to visit Bart, a friend from Chattanooga. Becky
had said she would pick me up there at that bus stop on her way home from work.

 With me I had a couple of the new text books I had purchased that morning and my small oriental clutch I had gotten in Chinatown. I liked that purse alot. It was of white laminated damask that had a beautiful artwork of a rural Chinese people and a rickshaw in a repeated pattern all over the purse.

Bart, being a true southern gentleman waited with me at the bus-stop near 3rd and Western Ave. He lived and worked as a waiter at the old folks home across the street.
Bart and I knew each other from back home in Chattanooga, where we had worked together at the Sailmaker Restaurant on McCallie Avenue. He was new to L.A. having only arrived about 3 months prior to that night, he was already homesick. A mutual friend had told him I was out in L.A. too. Somehow he found me.

As it grew later and later, as each bus went by, I agonized over what to do.
Soon, it would be 10pm - the doors would be locked at Bart's work and he would have no way to get back in. He said he'd wait with me as late as I was there, though...even if he were locked out & had to spend the night on the street.

Every 15 to 30 minutes a bus would go by that could have taken me home,
but I had an agreement with Becky to wait for her there...so I waited. And Bart waited.

Then, there it was: THE FINAL BUS HOME. If I took it, Bart still had time to run and
make it home before they locked the doors.

I took that bus.

Around midnight we came to Firestone Avenue, Southgate.  To  my horror  the bus driver pulled into a  shopping plaza and said "End of the line, All out!"

"But, sir, my stop is further down. I always take this bus."

"I'm very sorry. But this is the LAST Bus. This is as far as it goes on the last round."

Midnight! In Southgate! No taxis were going to come out there.
(Once Becky's car broke down in Watts and they told us that themselves.)
I was scared. My street was about 2 miles from there.

Reluctantly I got out of the bus, and began walking home.

The shopping plaza's parking lot was deserted. Even Firestone was deserted, except for a lone car every now and then.

As I walked I prayed.

It was chilly. I was wearing a shirt bluejeans and a light jacket. I walked briskly, trying not  to think scary thoughts and to find some 24 hour restaurant or somewhere SAFE to go in case I needed help.
I didn't see any. Everything was closed and dark.
I do remember seeing a used car lot which, although closed was lit up... and a large dark church.
A car drove slowly by.
It drove by again.

I began to run towards that church.

The car turned around somewhere up ahead of me and came back.

I was in front of that car lot when the 2 guys picked me up.
It was the large church across the street I had thought "if I could just get there, I'd be safe". I had tried to run but the guy was faster that me.

The driver stayed in the car. The one who got me was pretty big and strong- he picked me right up off the ground kicking and all, as if it were nothing. (of course, me being under 5 feet tall, and only weighing 85 pounds... still, I think he was close to 6 feet tall).

DIALOG: (something like this:)
guy: "We're going to give you a ride."
me: "I don't want a ride."
guy: "Well, that's too bad, because he wants YOU."

as he put me in the car (front seat passenger's side), I yelled out, "AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF GOD?!"
They thought that was really funny. They laughed. "Yeah, we're afraid of GOD.", the driver said.

The last semester of  high school I had take THE OLD TESTAMENT as an elective.
I had read the laws GOD gave to Moses...
   including the one where if a young girl was raped outside the city the man who did it was to be stoned to death.
   and the one where if a young girl was raped INSIDE the city, BOTH the man and the girl was to be stoned to death because she did not scream to let someone know to help her and stop it.

Now, I also knew that Police (at that time any way) told people "If you are ever in that situation, remain calm and don't scream or make them nervous- they could end up killing you to shut you up."

 Let me tell you, I SCREAMED.

AND I SCREAMED AND I SCREAMED AND I SCREAMED AND I SCREAMED AND I   S-C-R-E-A-M-E-D !
At the top of my lungs and with all of my might I SCREAMED.
For more than 15 minutes I SCREAMED.

Even though they spoke perfect English they spoke Spanish to each other in the car.
Now, I took Spanish in high school. I made straight A's in Spanish. I placed 2nd in the regionals in Knoxville area in the Spanish Language tests my senior year.

But at that moment of hysteria - I couldn't understand a single syllable of it.

While all that outward screaming was going on in my heart I was screaming with all my soul might and power out to GOD.
"GOD- WHERE ARE YOU?  HELP ME!  JESUS, HELP ME!  I'M TRYING TO DO WHAT YOU SAID, LORD.  PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP ME!!!!"

Well, the guys took me to a field - it was next to a house. We did not leave the car,
the driver's window was rolled down some, though.
They started trying to take off my clothes.
My shirt went up, and my bra...
 and...
 my pants were undone.... hands were here, hands there....

and I'm SCREAMING....

and one put a knife up to my throat and told me to shut up.

But I didn't.  I kept on SCREAMing.

Then, ... they stopped.  They were talking... The driver started the car....and we were driving again....

(I began to act as if I were crazy. In the Bible King David had done that once ... when
he walked into his enemies... and they had said, "THAT'S DAVID? The one who killed Goliath?!  Why he's a lunatic... a pathetic crazy loco." and they just let him walk on by. It worked for King David... I gave it a shot.)
I took my index finger and started pushing down on my lower lip... making "buh, buh, buh, buh, buaaa" sounds and looking straight ahead.
Still, in my heart... calling out to GOD.

They had pushed me into the floorboard of the front seat. my head was next to the passenger's door. With my feet I tried to kick the steering wheel... the gas petal... any thing that would make the driver drive funny.... so Police would see.

Then, we pulled off the road again.

"Stay there and don't move." The driver commanded as he got out of the car.

"Stay there and don't move, or we will kill you". The other guy said as he got out of the car, too.  My long hair was caught in hisdoor as he shut it.

I didn't care what he said. I didn't care about my hair either. The instant that door shut I sprang up and out the driver's door - shirt and bra up and pants open and all. "HELP! HELP!"  I yelled.

IT WAS THE POLICE!  IT WAS THE POLICE!  I'M SAVED thoughts flashed.

Instantly the officer drew his pistol and aimed right at me... I froze. "OH, GREAT. I'M GOING TO DIE ANYWAY" I thought.

The officer told me to get in his car.  I tried opening the back seat's door, but it was locked. (I was so happy. I really didn't want to be back there.  So I got into the front seat. AND I PUT MY BRA BACK DOWN and my shirt back down and my pants fixed up...

AND  I  THANKED GOD.

"THANK YOU, GOD, THANK YOU, GOD!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"

Later, I asked the officer, "Are you a Christian? I KNOW you're a Christian. I asked GOD to help."

The officer looked at me as if he thought I were crazy. "Yes." He said.
Then he told me the guys said I had asked them for a ride. He can't BELIEVE that, I thought. I was FURIOUS!
I turned to the guys and YELLED at them... "IF THAT IS SO, THEN WHY ARE MY BOOKS & MY PURSE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, THEN?!"

The officer asked me, "Is that true? Your books and purse are on the side of the road?"

"They should be, sir." I said.

The officer drove me back to where the guys had picked me up. Yes, there they were... my beloved purse and my books from school.

......   well, I don't know what ever happened to those guys... I thought I had forgiven them....I think I have.... I have no ill feelings nor do I wish something bad to happen to them... I actually hope and pray they are o.k. and are saved, have wonderful life here with GOD and then go to heaven later...of course, that means they have had to be sorry and repent for what they have done wrong that displeases GOD (just like I have to.... I've done so many things against HIS will and laws too)

but thanks to GOD'S HOLY SPIRIT ... HE shows me when I'm wrong and helps me to want to do the right thing and wish I'd never ever even thought of doing the bad stuff.

JOHN 1:9  says:   If we confess our sins, HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to CLEANSE us from all unrighteousness.

If you don't want to be cleaned up... there's no forgiveness.

Come clean.

Confess your sins and let HIM clean you, and FORGIVE you, too.